Words can't express the disappointment I have boiling inside my body right now. As a wrestling fan of nearly 21 years, I have to say that I am thoroughly upset over the way WWE produced WrestleMania XXVII.
Maybe that's a bit much. Because about 3 hours of the 4 hour extravaganza was absolutely phenomenal, and was just missing that ONE match to set it up, head and shoulders, above the rest as one of the premiere WrestleMania's of all-time. For those of you who saw the event, I'm sure you share my sentiment, as I haven't found a wrestling fan yet in the past few hours who disagrees. For those who haven't, stay tuned.
After a decent rendition of America the Beautiful by some singer I've never even heard of, we moved on to the FIRST opening video package, which then led to the introduction of our host of the evening, The Rock. Everyone I was watching with, including yours truly, was absolutely pumped. After seven years, the People's Champion was back at WrestleMania! But as he made his drawn out entrance towards the ring, a friend of mine rose a good point..."What the hell does a host of WrestleMania do anyway?"
That turned out to be the question of the evening as we never got an actual answer! He did nothing a host on any other entertainment medium would do. Which might not be a bad thing. Rock came to the ring and he cut a nearly 12 minute promo where nothing was accomplished. It was, quite frankly, the worst Rock promo I've ever seen. Nothing was done to explain his role for the evening, barely any mention of his conflict with John Cena and the Miz came up, and short of saying his catchphrases a bunch of times...there wasn't even that much talking!
After what seemed like forever, Rock took his time posing and headed to the back, and we faded to ANOTHER video package. Hey, I won't lie, the WWE is probably the best in ENTERTAINMENT at putting highlight videos together, but enough is enough.
Coming out of the final video package for the opening, and of course the mandatory pyrotechnic display, we finally began WrestleMania, the Showcase of the Immortals, with the first match of the night, which was...
THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH?!
Match #1: Edge [c] w/ Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio w/ Brodus Clay [WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Del Rio won the Royal Rumble back in January which gave him the right to challenge for the title of his choosing come WrestleMania. Traditionally, the Royal Rumble winner has always challenged whichever champion towards the end of the show, if not the final match. As it should be! No instead, WWE decided to take a massive shit on tradition by putting this on first, and what a slap in the face to both of these men. WWE had done a terrific job at building this feud, and more importantly, building Del Rio the past 9 months. Edge no longer needed the World Championship, hasn't in years, but winning this from Edge would catapult Del Rio farther than he already was. The match itself was quite good for the time it got. Christian & Brodus Clay both got involved at points, as did Del Rio's announcer Ricardo Rodriguez, and they all played their parts well. Edge went into this with an "injured arm" at the hands of Del Rio and his cross armbar finishing hold, and Del Rio's work on the injury was excellent. Edge's selling was a bit off, but that's become the usual anymore. In the end, they had a terrific finishing run full of reversals and counters that led to Edge avoiding the Cross Armbar to hit the spear and win. The actual ending fell a bit flat but still a good match. Edge gets nothing out of this win and meanwhile, Del Rio's momentum is stopped dead in its tracks. Terrific performance, but in the long, it's hurt him more than anything.
Rating: **1/2
Match #2: Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio
I had a big fear going into this match. Mysterio has become quite the backstage politician in recent years, and Cody's push has been stopped and started so many times it's not even funny. But Mysterio hand picked to work with Cody this year, so I didn't know what to expect. And to my surprise, it was great! It started off a bit sloppy, especially on Mysterio's part, but they both made up for it with some excellent selling and the story telling involving Mysterio's knee brace and Cody's face protecting mask was great. See, months ago, Cody & Rey wrestled on SmackDown and Mysterio's exposed kneebrace accidentally damaged Cody's "dashing" face, causing him to wear a protective mask. A really old school angle, which I dig. Back to the match itself. Rey's selling was on par back to his early WCW days, and has been for the past few weeks. It wasn't a technical masterpiece here, but again, the story being told was what really brought this up a notch or two. Great ending when Cody exposed Rey's knee brace and chucked it to the floor. As Cody did this, Rey recovered and attempted a few pinfalls before ripping Cody's mask off and exposing him! He put Cody's mask on and began creatively headbutting his previously injured face. Cody bailed to the outside as Rey began to celebrate. Rey went for a dive through the ropes onto Cody but Cody picked up Rey's brace from the floor and NAILED HIM IN THE HEAD! Rey slumped across the ropes and Cody hit his finisher (Cross Rhodes) to win! Huge win here for Cody. Great finish. Rey loses nothing by not winning and Cody is now elevated. Job well done.
Rating: **3/4
Backstage, Snoop Dogg talked to SmackDown General Manager Theodore R. Long about his upcoming tour and they decided to hold auditions for backup singers. Pure filler and a decent comedy seg that saw the British William Regal do a freestyle rap of his own version of Straight Outta Compton, the Jersey Shore wannabe Zack Ryder sing the AWFUL "Friday Song" only to be attacked by Rowdy Roddy Piper and resident WWE leprechaun (that's not a typo) Hornswoggle finally speak so he, too, could freestyle rap.
Match #3: The Corre [Wade Barrett/Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel/Ezekiel Jackson] vs. Big Show, Kane, Santino Marella & Kofi Kingston
Sadly, this was the piss break. The Corre is basically what Nexus used to be, and what it probably still should be considering what they've done to that group over on the Raw Brand. Going into this, nobody was expecting much, so needless to say, I don't think anyone was disappointed. Santino's partner, Vladimir Kozlov, was injured during the week so he was taken out and replace by Kofi, who had to feel awful going from an upper midcarder on the brink of Main Event level stardom just 18 months ago, to not even originally being on the Mania card. This lasted all of 3 minutes with all hell breaking loose and Big Show knocking Heath Slater out with his devastating KO punch.
Rating: 3/4*
For the second time tonight, we get our WrestleMania Host. And what's he doing?! Oh, he's just talking to random WWE Diva Eve Torres about WrestleMania moments. Oh god, and then they tease him making out with 90 year old Mae Young, one of the first female wrestlers. Who gives a shit -- WAIT A MINUTE! STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN AND THE ROCK GO FACE TO FACE BACKSTAGE AT WRESTLEMANIA! And much to my surprise, it wasn't hokey or friendly, and no kindness was shared between the two. It was brute, it was to the point, and the best part, IT HAD CONTINUITY, because after all these years, at least in "the wrestling world", The Rock and Steve Austin still HATE each other.
Match #4: Randy Orton vs. CM Punk
This was absolutely great! In the weeks leading up, Punk and his New Nexus had been attacking Orton. This led to the Anonymous Raw GM ruling that Punk & Orton will square off at Mania, and in the weeks leading up, Orton would face a member of Nexus. If he beat them, they would be gone, but if they won, they could be in Punk's corner at Mania. Sure enough, one by one, the other four members of Nexus were defeated by Orton and sent packing, leaving Punk an island unto himself. But he held his own. This was an extremely psychological match with great storytelling, and a great backdrop being Orton's leg injury caused by Punk two weeks ago. Orton's big move as of late as been the "punt to the head", which sends people on the shelf indefinitely. After a grueling match, Orton caught Punk getting too cocky, DDT'd him and set up the punt, but his leg gave out! Punk went to work and started getting cocky again, almost getting an RKO for his troubles, but he got out just in time. Punk's facial expressions along with Orton's selling made this an early contender for Match of the Night. Punk went for his springboard elbow onto the hurt Orton but Orton caught him and hit the RKO to win. This was perfect, to be honest, for what it was. Orton didn't dominate, and neither did Punk. Both men's characters were kept strong, Orton didn't look weak, he was just injured, but he played the psychological role perfectly. Meanwhile, Punk continued his role as a cerebral player and in the end, only fell due to his cockiness and Orton's luck. Orton continues to be, by fan reaction, probably the top babyface in the company, while Punk still comes out looking strong and loses absolutely nothing by losing this match.
Rating: ***1/4
More pointless drivel backstage as WWE Hall of Famer "Mean" Gene Okeurland introduced the Rock to John Cena's biggest fan...PEE WEE HERMAN! Ugh. More pointless drivel as nothing even remotely funny happened here. Anybody who bought this pay-per-view solely for The Rock's appearance is probably wanting their money back.
The Hall of Fame inductees from the previous night's ceremony were brought out next, and as always, it's very special. Good to see some of these guys get their swan song, especially main inductee, Shawn Michaels. The Original Diva, Sunny, who helped me get through my early teen years quite frankly, looked phenomenal. And the celebrity inductee, Drew Carey, albeit grateful, was clearly peeved at being boo'ed out of the building. Can't say I blame the crowd on that one.
Match #5: Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Michael Cole w/ Jack Swagger [Special Referee: Stone Cold Steve Austin]
This had probably the best build going into Mania, which is a sad, sad state of affairs, but what are ya gonna do? Nobody expected this to be a good match, and anyone who did was severely disappointed I'm sure. But you gotta open your eyes here people. The angle around the match was good enough. Jim Ross being able to return and do commentary for this match, and eventually the rest of the night, was extremely special. Swagger did alot of the work on King so Cole was able to pick the bones and not have to do much. Cole was perfectly fine in what he had to do. They weren't making him go like a wrestler, they were making him go like an announcer who was wrestling in his first match ever, and that helped alot. Jack Swagger got involved again only for Austin to drop him with a Stone Cold Stunner, and Lawler beat the shit out of Cole, ending it with his famous fist drop from the top to win.
Rating: 1/2*
Post-match, Lawler & Austin began to celebrate as Swagger drug Cole up the rampway. Booker T, who was commentating with Jim Ross & Josh Matthews, got into the ring to celebrate with him. After doing a WrestleMania spinarooni, Booker was promptly treated to a Stone Cold Stunner just because. As Lawler & Austin continued to celebrate, the anonymous Raw General Manager beeped on and Josh Matthews read the e-mail, saying that since Steve Austin got physically involved in the match, the result was overturned, and Michael Cole was the winner. This pissed Lawler & Austin off, who attacked the innocent messenger Josh Matthews as a result, laying him out with a Stunner. Austin celebrated to the back while Lawler got to join his old broadcast colleague and best friend, Jim Ross, at the announce table to call the rest of WrestleMania for the first time in two years, which in the end, may have been the greatest victory of all for everyone involved. Including the fans watching at home.
Next up was the battle for THE STREAK~. The Undertaker has gone 18-0 at WrestleMania events over the years, and this year, Triple H had stepped up to challenge him. If you weren't a true wrestling fan, or even a regular wrestling fan, then you probably wouldn't realize that this was the ten year anniversary of Triple H & Undertaker originally battling at WrestleMania X-7, which ironically enough, was when WWE began to make mention of Undertaker's undefeated streak.
Before the match, we're usually treated to special entrances, especially from Undertaker. Triple H came out to "For Whom the Bell Tolls" by Metallica, dressed quickly as a member of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, guarded by a legion of men holding shields, before the lights went out and he was in his usual ring attire, coming out to his usual theme. The Undertaker, on the other hand, disappointingly only came out to his regular entrance, which as grand as it is, isn't what we've come to expect at WrestleMania.
Match #6: The Undertaker vs. Triple H [No Holds Barred]
This match was everything that's good with pro wrestling. It wasn't meant to be the technical masterpieces that Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels were at WrestleMania's 25 & 26, and if you went into it expecting that, then I do apologize. It was a tremendous brawl, starting off hot with both men chucking each other around like rag dolls on the outside, going through tables, barriers and other structures that would paralyze normal men. It cooled off a bit in the middle as Triple H began some back work on Undertaker, which eventually led to an AMAZING finishing run. Triple H & Undertaker broke out every move they knew, all of their finishers, and nothing could put the other man away. Triple H even was able to catch Undertaker at one point and hit him with Taker's own Tombstone Piledriver. But not even that could put him away. Triple H brought in a steel chair and AWESOMELY wore out Taker's back, but Taker kept getting up as H screamed "STAY DOWN, WHY WON'T YOU STAY DOWN", almost growing remorseful in the face, knowing what was next. Triple H went to the outside and under the ring he grabbed his trusty sledgehammer, weapon of choice for over ten years, and he went to use it, but UNDERTAKER CAUGHT HIM IN HIS VERSION OF THE TRIANGLE CHOKE! He held it on, tighter and tighter and tighter, and Triple H kept fighting. He tried getting to the ropes, he tried lifting Taker up to slam him down and break it, he tried grabbing his sledgehammer which had since left his grips, but he couldn't do it. And in a phenomenal moment, while Triple H indeed tapped out, the camera picked up something alot different, as it appeared to me at least to be a pat on Taker's shoulder, telling him job well done.
Rating: ****1/4
Post-match, the Undertaker was not moving at all and it took a while before Triple H got up. Medics came out to tend to Taker who was playing the role of pretty much being dead, so it seemed. They got him to the outside where he collapsed again. It wasn't clear whether Triple H was going to attack Taker or help him up, but whatever it was, the referee wouldn't let him near him. Eventually they got Taker onto a medical cart and drove him to the back, like an injured football player. This humanized the otherwise supernatural Undertaker, and I didn't like this post-match hooplah at all, to be honest.
Match #7: Trish Stratus, John Morrison & Snooki vs. Dolph Ziggler & Lay-Cool w/ Vickie Guerrero
This was what it was. Michelle McCool got her dream to fight Trish Stratus, Layla unfortunately did next to nothing, unless I missed something, I don't even think Morrison or Ziggler got into the ring legally, and Snooki came in to do a pretty amazing handspring back elbow onto McCool and a backflip splash onto McCool to get the win. Whatever.
Rating: 1/4*
At this point, we all had realized that a hyped up and advertised United States Championship match between Sheamus & Daniel Bryan, which many had expected to STEAL THE SHOW...HAD BEEN CUT FROM THE SHOW! It took us going online and checking a number of websites to find out that it was regulated to pre-show status where a bunch of people got involved and it turned into a lumberjack match, non-title mind you, that neither man even won. ABSOLUTELY AWFUL. I was beyond words and my anger had only begun to start.
The WWE, as I said before, is brilliant with their video packages. And what they put together for the Miz was absolutely stunning, and I highly suggest going out of your way to see it. Cena's on the other hand, meh. Same thing he's had the past few years, really.
Match #8: The Miz [c] w/ Alex Riley vs. John Cena [WWE Championship]
This was not very good. I don't know what it was, but this was not very good. It felt like half of a match. They never really got a chance to get going, and it felt rushed. And these two have put on decent matches before. Unfortunately, Cena's still not the wrestler who can carry a match, and Miz is still at the level of needing to be carried at certain times. They brawled to the outside and Miz tried escaping over the barrier only to have Cena tackle him over. They both landed on the other side onto the concrete, and neither were moving, leading to the referee counting ten and...that's right, counting both men out. The decision was even made official until...THE WRESTLEMANIA HOST THE ROCK CAME OUT YEAH! SURELY HE WOULD FIX THIS AND FINALLY DO SOMETHING WORTHY OF BEING THE HOST! The Rock says no WrestleMania would end like that and he was officially restarting the match no dq, no countout, no rules, and there must be a winner! Miz & Cena crept back into the ring and Cena went for the Attitude Adjustment on Miz...BUT ROCK PULLED CENA AWAY AND HIT THE ROCK BOTTOM! Miz covered Cena to retain! WHAT?! I'm perfectly fine with Miz retaining but this was AWFUL.
Rating: 3/4*
Post-match, John Cena simply disappeared from sight as Miz celebrated, and not surprisingly at all, Rock got into the ring and beat up Miz, hitting the People's Elbow and posing to end the show, at least sending the fans home...happy?
I don't know if I was sent home happy. In fact, I was quite pissed off. That was an absolutely dreadful WrestleMania ending. And while this certainly was nowhere NEAR the worst WrestleMania, that was without question the WORST ending to a WrestleMania I had ever seen. Overall, it was a fun experience as it always was. WrestleMania will never stop being WrestleMania. And it would take alot for WrestleMania to be an absolutely awful experience. Tomorrow night, as always, should be explosive being the start of a brand new booking year in WWE. And for diehard wrestling fans, the weekend continues as at 8pm, the Hall of Fame that was taped Saturday is broadcast, followed by the two hour Raw, and then the season premiere of Tough Enough.
My advice? Go out of your way to see everything on this show up until the Main Event. Even the Snooki match, Cole/Lawler & the Eight Man served their purposes and were entertaining in parts. But for being the hottest things going into this show, Rock, Cena & Miz certainly did not deliver. Whether it's their fault or not, who knows. But I for one am sorely disappointed.
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